lifeispoetry

Raw

2011-05-17T22:57:00.000-07:00

Dreams take forms in visions
when you're awake and.
Alive?
messages, vague and quickly long forgotten
fleeting. dissipate. lost.
Dear, this does not even make sense to me. And still
I do not know what to say in casual conversation.
it's in the subtleties: the growing insecurity
ForgivemeForgivemeForgiveme
"I cannot wait to meet you." But then
you never did.
I cannot seem to let my mind forget to remember
all my pinwheels and bubble dreams: Lost in a whirlwind of
post-it to-dos, the shiny never could keep up
Time is (always) the culprit
I have remembered to forget the language
of firsts. (Maybe we are both blind.)

Vacancy

2010-12-15T15:42:00.000-08:00

I've got fragments of poetry stuck in my ears
disconnected, uninhibited. shards of words
Today I am vacant, waiting for the crashing
of waves that echo off empty enclosures.
churning dancing thoughts, liquid encompassing
the contours of my mind, seeking. Lips tingling
in anticipation of your kiss to crash
into mine.
But I suck in air, breath unobstructed,
mouth hollow.

Fireworks through Dusk

2010-12-06T18:38:00.000-08:00

drained. floating. lazy, unmotivated.
routine: habit.
opaque turned translucent.
questions gone transparent, left unanswered
Patient. Waiting for

shaking, moving, undulating beneath unsteady feet
Voices never raised, figures never questioned
waving doubt builds fire
fire melted bones, ashes remained
Comfort.

god Shot With cupid's Arrow Of Ash; cursed
tumbling; child's knees: quivering, hollow
curses in crescent shaped words punch: sting
hollow walls echo hallow hearts
repeating bursts of colorful fire screech through dusk

Search
for what was lost that morning
answer the unanswered doubt that melted all the goddamn figures

Lotto

2010-10-17T15:39:00.000-07:00

the cycle of scratching
and disappointment
will be the debt of me

His

2010-09-15T18:13:00.000-07:00

she kissed him with her Cranberry lips

rhythm of breath
calming the drums in his head

lemons exploded on the wall behind the bed;
glorious yellow
licking the bitter away, it was
meant. Meant like this.

lazy sunday morning:
white curtains floating on the breeze.
bed with you is always more comfortable

faces in palms; dusty haze
tousled hair.
falling into the folds

contact. touch.
not. yet. don't
Wake
me yet.

This Weekend's Damages

2010-09-07T22:17:00.000-07:00

Waiting for portals:
happiness is
patience

cleavage spills over dresses
empty eyes
sore wrists
black toenails
aching feet
red eyes

ouch.
how did you say something
that isn't?
Bolt

Rage, words, Vamp,
heels and accents
horns vs. halos
"challenged" is a difficult feat
fuck your magazine.

cat eyes

connection

2010-08-03T11:47:00.000-07:00

soul connections,
sometimes existing outside of poetry
make you high
ambivalent connections
confuse people us both
all of 'em make you vulnerable and scared
so we could runaway
often do
or try to stay
when it feels they
have something to offer

then you feel dependent
as you get close
scaring you
who listens or thinks
making you wonder

how does this ever
work?

Expecting Expectations From Experience

2010-08-01T01:35:00.000-07:00

you nearly glowed
"yeah. yeah, it went really well."
real bloody well, I'd say.
Your eyes got all soft, melted.

I never heard her name.
Didn't matter. Past a point where names
mattered

connections- however promising
leave you vulnerable.

(It's terrifying, isn't it?)
[Also brilliant.]

I don't know from experience, not really
But I know Enough to know that.

I know enough to know that I'm
sorry.

can't

2010-07-30T10:31:00.000-07:00

can't go back
to the life I had (without you)
can't go on
'til you're with me (again)
so I sit
pushed
by internal organs playing feelings
of uncertainty and wonder
living and waiting
to live (again)

my drummer keeps a good heartbeat
skipping only momentarily
when the Force is disturbed

stomach man plays on
upsetting
only the lonely intestines
knowing that I can't go back
wanting
to go

on living, not waiting
to live (again)

mirage

2010-07-22T07:48:00.000-07:00

I wept
for what coulda been
would have for what shouda been

I wept
for a parting that shouldn't've been
stopping
cause you can't just do that
selfishly sorry
wanting it all
not to be
wondering what hour I'll finally see
really, how could she not want
what I want
exactily

I wept
it comes and goes
pain buried inside freed
a deep despair
suddenly crushed hopes
darkened heavenly dreams
clouded fearful doubts
seemingly no way
having her
worked so well
only
poetically so
from far away
'fore we get too close
to the flame

I wept
thinking
its like a desert mirage
its hot hot hot
disappears
leaving me thirsty
so quickly
mirage or an hallucination
or was it me
bringing in all the passion
my wanting making
it all go
though
the hurting seems real enough
maybe we didn't have
what I imagined
maybe
it was only
my most
creative
delusion
a mirage
on a desert
that never existed.

Battles

2010-07-12T11:27:00.000-07:00

My eyes are at war with my mind.
Constantly winning an losing battles.

You are someone else's victory flag.

Spellbound

2010-07-09T23:54:00.000-07:00

Marinated in Bitterness:
I cry too easily
(maybe it's all the brilliant closure)
that
ends up
melting my mind and
pouring my
heart
into a mold,
psychedelic colors
mix and fade to the grey
braving the rapids
of unspoken words, filling up the
Dam(n)
Recirculation of doubt
Dwelling.
On the future?
The future seems
as spellbinding and
unstable as a ladder:
dwindling into the
distance
each unsure step terrifying and wonderful-
dissolving into one another-mixing
into the grey

missing

2010-07-08T11:27:00.000-07:00

I don't miss all that was
only what should have been

seems you remember only
what was said in anger
forgetting all of love's
whispers

why would it be so

whispers of sweet
nothings
so full of meaning
turn out to be
nothing
after
all.

memory loss

2010-07-01T00:33:00.001-07:00

I had forgotten
how your car smells:
like a mix of old soccer cleats
and cigarettes
it's oddly revolting and comforting

I can't remember if you actually meant the world to me
or if i just said that
But you nonchalantly toss around the words - denying
Like I meant nothing
Like we meant nothing

And I know that my memory might be flawed
but I could have sworn you said you loved me
But I know
that whispers sound false in this lighting.

the newest moon

2010-06-10T11:14:00.000-07:00

as i wander to my room
having left a beautifully lonely moon
wistful thoughts occupy my mind
with only two toes in the moment
thoughts of another place
some other time

the moon dripped beauty
on the waters between us
lighting a path from where we stood
to the number one celestial orb
highlighting the emptiness of time
in our vacuous space
where love should be

yet, what fun it has been
playing in the seas
touching moments in
synchronicity

it seemed she
was satisfied with too little
needing too much

the vacation of together
and retreat to read and write
certainly to be
more, a lasting memory

maybe

simple ecstasy

2010-06-05T22:56:00.000-07:00

Simple ecstasy
(hiding
from me

playing hard
to find)
can be
yours
could be mine

we cannot need
or even want it
too much

in true enduring
impish form
she will
runaway
the more.

on the beach

2010-06-05T22:50:00.002-07:00

There
on the beach
staring at me
staring at him

suddenly with a flip of a wing
airborne
full speed
headed straight at me

I was still in the warm ocean waters

Then he recognized me
a human
90 degree left bank deftly

(Get me outta here)

Smart bird I thought
he swooped and soared
seemingly effortlessly
far above the tree

Away
from me.

2010-06-05T22:50:00.001-07:00

lightshow

2010-06-05T22:37:00.000-07:00

in mid night
i came to see
crashes exploding
waking me

celestial lightshows of
Lectric oranges
Sploding all over the dome
brilliantly

as the only lonely spectator
to the greatest natural show
watching wonderingly

then without a sound
by either
we fell
back to sleep
so silently

left with a mere patina
of the light
I slept the night
to be awakened
to a stillest sea

seemed to bring a stillness
of soul
inside
of me

the sense of it all
though transiently

the world
once again
no longer as it once
seemed to be

there was a new peace
naturally.

B

2010-06-05T22:18:00.000-07:00

a letter of mellifluous melody
written from the heart
of one so dear
about an ending
less than clear

wondering then
not about what was to be
pondering only
what had been
in the briefest
yet brightest momentarily

depth of connection
unquestioned offering
of gratitude
what could have happened
if he hadn't asked, then
bowed out graciously?

what could have been
haunts me eerily
casting lasting
shadows over
everything I try to be

new love cannot compare
to half the moments
we did share
i write presently
not of despair
but of soul agony

of loss so
powerful
it loses me

regretting
not a word we shared
feeling felt
or caring shared

through bittersweet ending
I traveled alone

putting the leaf
of this flower
in my scrapbook
memory

pour heart

2010-06-04T18:56:00.000-07:00

a powerful spirit
pouring forth
words
and feeling

like volcanoes
spew lava

only
incisive
commentary
and insistent
language
differentiate
spirits

lost

from those
on their
way

the light
of eternal
love

in acceptance
of others

or more

self-acceptance
and
love.

The Postal Service

2010-05-28T20:45:00.000-07:00

Once the music stops I cannot continue to think

It's like those puddles with leaked gasoline, bleeding rainbows,

spilling sludge.

and overcoats, and arguments, and scarlet fever, and substitute teachers, and

well maybe I just don't feel like it.

[Turn the book back around, nothing makes sense upside down]

I think I'm falling in love with Holden.

I need to get out of this place

diamond rings and fancy things and the goddamn electronic mail for chrissake.

Silhouettes litter the floor, shadows, reminders

too many too do lists floating

stickies shattering, swallowing similes; smoothly surfacing

Just like the fingertips, drawing slow circles on goosebump ridden skin.

"that's not the only thing I'm getting."

Ties attract me.

but baby, you'll never know the truth.

Yearbook

2010-05-26T22:57:00.000-07:00

It feels like I'm slipping;

caught between the here and the now - stuck

between the lost and the found

trapped beneath the pages

fingers close round a clasp

buried in a palm

and I cannot help but hold you

- place the clasp between your covers

and smother you with melting kisses

Divine Oblivion

2010-05-26T22:53:00.001-07:00

Oblivion Overtakes Opinions

about

ink;

spilling over arms - imbedded

abstract veins pulsing

beneath

skin: loose and taut

[shadow shields divine oblivion]

suspended,

forgetting

slowing : racing

thoughts

Sidewalk Splinters;

Swallowing Shadows

intensity Escapes

through vibrant tunnels

beneath eyelids; around

(eyes) that see things

they

are

Dark Brown Eyes

2010-05-26T22:50:00.000-07:00

Look at me. Take a damn good look at me.

Do I look illegal?

Go ahead. Try. I dare you - Fit me in your little box and

SHIP

BACK

But you won’t shut me up.

No, no, no sir. You cannot stop me.

Look at me

Do I look illegal?

Take a look at this pair of dark brown eyes

and tell me

if you even noticed their color before

But honey, this ain’t no martian you’re talkin’ to.

I ain’t got no green antenna - just these

Brown

Eyes

Do I look illegal?

You have called me beautiful - milked my diversity for all it’s worth

You have called me ugly

and now you’re calling me

illegal

not so super

2010-05-24T11:09:00.000-07:00

computers are more than that
super drives less
than super
so don't
go using
it like you
do
or you
will blow
it
all

word

2010-05-18T15:57:00.000-07:00

it began with one word
the smiles
and joy
words strung together
strong feelings and
ideas
writing
is always
for myself
even when
I write
to another

Jeffery:

2010-05-16T22:51:00.000-07:00

Don't write if you don't want to.

I continue to write because I want to.

I know that you were paid a shit load of money, I don't even want to know the total, but that does not in any way make you obligated. Yes, I will admit that it was nice to hear back from you, but really?

Don't do it if my mother wants you to. Don't do it if she cussed you out, or mentioned it, or told you to do it or something. I wish I hadn't mentioned it to her, because then it wouldn't have been an obligation. I don't want it to be an obligation. I don't want you to do it because she told you to.

Writing should never be an obligation.

Don't let her make it one. Don't let ME make it one.

Hope this note finds you well, and I sincerely hope that I am wrong.

Thanks.

Fruits, Vegetables or Mexicans

2010-05-11T13:21:00.000-07:00

Arizona has
an artificial border
created to control
imagine they
ask if you carry
fruits, vegetables or
Mexicans
so
it is now
they can
harass
any seemingly
Mexican
to put 'em
through
unseemly
procedures
it seems we
treat
our fruits and
vegetables
better.

sitting

2010-05-10T13:25:00.000-07:00

if sitting home alone
won't make him like you
nothingness is the answer
to all your prayers

no expectation
no pressure
no wanting
impossible

like cascading stars
in the darkest of nights
nothingness
alit
yet
for those not
easily enchanted
its a sorrow
fall

Poetry

2010-05-03T20:59:00.000-07:00

I cannot stand it

Can we please look beyond

tradition

I swear, you are the one behind the wheel who's

Driving me insane

[I do not believe his love song is an ode to a girl. That's too superficial for such brilliantly warped words.]

Please, kindly, do us all a favor and return to your church with the steeple gleaming outside where GOD loves you, because. Obviously, it has closed your mind to anything I might ever have to say.

I would think that you might learn something.

{And that's not arrogance, that's fact.}

THINK. It's a pleading that's happening in the back of my brain, begging the population to see beyond simple trivialities. Beyond Taylor Swift and her cliches. Because sitting at home alone on a Saturday night will not make him like you. You can't make anyone like you. You can only try in vain to understand the world.

(I'm telling you, Thirteen Reasons Why?)

What irks me; is that you don't give a damn enough to try.

layers

2010-05-03T15:11:00.000-07:00

thick layers
secrets abide
tension avoided
fears build
of finding
or being
found
out

[we]

2010-05-02T22:24:00.000-07:00

hostility threatens at the edges of our taut conversation

slowly unraveling

cut

just the same

2010-05-01T12:16:00.000-07:00

surely when i live
again
it won't be the same
even if I could
make it

not due 2
regret

nothing
can be
the same
again

not like those
plans
ever worked
b4
yet
it all
became
what it
became

the day after

2010-05-01T12:12:00.000-07:00

it is the day
after the night

the rain
made me soggy

in the sun
warmed by light
hopes afloat

away from the dark
way we
knife ourselves
in that
alone

Thank You ~

2010-04-30T17:29:00.000-07:00

gone, but not forgetting

escaped, but narrowly

(Te)

here, but there as well

missed, but missing

(Amo)

grateful, but aching

wistful, but rooted

Sorry none, Worry gone

finally finding the cool scar stories

from all the wounds

I walk

2010-04-30T10:27:00.000-07:00

I walk away
not knowing
how far
it takes
me

graves

2010-04-29T14:16:00.000-07:00

the warmth
emanates from the ground
spirits making heat
where they did
make haste

sun sinking
creating profiles
kneeling
with flowers
over
past
hopes
and dreams.

into the silence (again)

2010-04-29T14:14:00.000-07:00

death surrounds
quieting
all but the loudest
sound

inside go i
pondering meaning
and
running
away

julia

2010-04-29T14:05:00.000-07:00

it was like a dream
she seemed to flow away
i waved to the spirit
that didn't stay

the essence
was free
as they will
be

i promised
to write

before I let down
all defenses

I meandered into
the felt prison
of my maker

wandered away
in the mist
not
making my way
to where I wanted
to be.

Rest (In Peace)

2010-04-25T22:03:00.001-07:00

i want to spend the night

in a graveyard and watch

the sunset with someone

because life surrounded

by death is humbling &

oddly peaceful

Uncharacteristic, yes

But I've grown tired of fear

(in theory)

Momma's Gray Hair

2010-04-21T16:32:00.001-07:00

She hides it there - beneath the

dye (Artificial Youth)

She masks her past. She might be

different:

cognoscente of forgotten dreams, and

(despite her claims of tranquility,)

she is, always, presently

Terrified

Death is impending. Eventually. (She

never was good at accepting.) She

declines to

keep it, as a

reminder

Her overpaid stylist consoles her as she

erases.

Replacing a lifetime with artificial youth.

I sometimes wonder if she truly remembers, Or if

her stories are reminiscent of a

past life.

I believe her

rose - colored glasses

were never

truly

removed.

Remember This

2010-01-25T16:08:00.000-08:00

Everywhere. Everywhere else

there is the same thing

the same stories

the same boyfriends

the same girlfriends

the same cliques

the same songs

the same parents

the same Day2Day

(we are all different,

which somehow makes us all

the

exact

same)

hustle, bustle, yell, cry,

not so much smile anymore

not anymore

all the same.

everywhere.

Just different scenery.

When you think nobody notices you dancing you are

2009-12-18T22:52:00.000-08:00

Invincible.

Happy

Blissfully at ease

where nobody seems to notice

and you couldn't care less

because everything is

as close to perfection as

possible

(but the thing about perfection is that one's perfection is another one's hell.)

ha!

Proudly

2009-10-23T23:33:00.000-07:00

She opened her mouth an all of a sudden her beauty vanished.

Disintegrated, acid melting away it's fair surface. Completely gone.

(She was obviously possessed, I could not imagine.)

Someone's heart lay, cast away, bound, chained and weeping

stolen from it's home, left to die on a lonely island.

Such words, spitting from the soft perfect lips.

This could only be the cause.

they Refused to change, wore their scars like their

hearts on their sleeves: proudly.

Rougher. Never apologetic.

There was a pecking order of admiration. Everyone knew it.

Give me a task! Put me to fixing all your problems,

blame me when everything goes wrong (again.)

Hands. ink fading, covering, questions. (MORE)

never had he seen sweeter hands,

trembled so at their touch to his own cold hands

covered in veins and ink and rough and soft.

imprinted.

His.

Monday: Burial Of Creativity

2009-09-21T15:17:00.000-07:00

Day2Day.

Does not matter what I say, time passes the same way as yesterday.

Slowly. Rapid. Dragging. Rushing.

Appearing the same, I am merely a shell.

Writing.

Today's notes fade in time for tomorrow's.

It's gradually killing me.

Understanding is also accepting that there will always be hate. You cannot

expect to change others.

And yet. They try.

Pulling from both directions they cannot help but claim. I know. I know.

I don't want to.

something else (once called raining, not sure why)

2009-09-14T00:42:00.000-07:00

wordfalls
like waterfalls
cascade

at a least expected
moment
making
me
wish for a rainbow

always a miracle
if you know

so much
to learn
about
so much

can we study
what we want to
deciding our use of time

where are the PIC's
to tell of this new
development?

imagine
and fly
over the rainbow
under the moon

gliding
through the rainbows

learning with the wind
all about
everything
else

always

2009-09-14T00:39:00.000-07:00

is there always
some other place
to captivate
somewhere, if you
imagine you
there
has more love
better tea
and biscuits
with a main ingredient
of its not at all
where you just were
or
are
now

No Need For Umbrellas

2009-09-13T18:40:00.000-07:00

I was told that I should be like water. That flowing with the ebbs and tides was the only way to survive this world. I tried, but no matter what I did, science confined me and I could not be anything but solid. This rain makes me want to lie down in the street, arms and legs spread and let it soak over my body. Maybe the rain won't care. Maybe as the water washes down the street and away, it will take me with it. Away.

what is

2009-09-11T20:13:00.000-07:00

what is it about

fears infiltrate
every perspective

so we forget
the wonder
and beauty
of all

standing

2009-09-11T08:33:00.001-07:00

standing
in opposition

magnets
not attracting

fears
in wolves
clothing

sheeps
not knowing

tangled up
in all that's
wrong
(for you)

only the
heart
knows

hear
comes
the fear

not knowing
what it knows

you may shrink
on a bad day
for courage

wating for
another day

to put it away

believe

2009-09-11T08:27:00.000-07:00

it was over

belief
in dreams

questioned

touching
magic

its hope

the dream

lifting us
above
so
we can
fly

leaving
doubt
for others

because its
better
to
believe.

homework

2009-09-09T09:44:00.000-07:00

isn't it true
homework is
an oxymoron

not
what you want to do

nor even what you
would assign to yourself

anyone ever done a study
on how much it helps?

because most know
it feels like busywork

taking you away from
your life apart

something wrong

2009-09-09T09:41:00.000-07:00

not the fault
of those who don't know

we've all been there
before

yet
when the flower
won't open
for the
song

something
is definitely
wrong

rain

2009-09-09T09:36:00.000-07:00

raining
morning dew
kisses

a wonder
i'm so wet

feeling
you

warm
spirit

alone
with you
always

connecting
at dawn

then at
dusk

falling
apart
before

falling

together
as
never
before

For Jeff

2009-09-09T08:55:00.000-07:00

The small and dangered ship
sinking in the summer storm
Black waves. . .
fear and desperation
dragging her down
to dark, unexplored depths.
But there was a rock in the angry sea ~
A quiet rock and small.
you
were the rock for me.
I found you there
and you helped me find peace.
Now the waters calm ~
it's blue beckons. . .
I venture a distance and I learn
I hurt and flounder
But I learn and I can always
return ~ to you
You don't know how much it means
to me.

Jamie
2/14/82

Friends (new and old)

2009-08-26T19:20:00.000-07:00

Links in a chain,
Breaking and growing strong.
Some I can trust,
While with others I must
Walk away and never look back.

Homework

2009-08-26T19:18:00.000-07:00

Thin white sheets
But, no, they have black ink
Surrounding me, strangling me
I fall.

friends hurt

2009-08-06T13:33:00.001-07:00

why is it that way
that friends hurt us
is ways others can't

after the disappointments
we don't wanna trust

we let them in
on who we are

they leave us
for who
we
aren't

Breath

2009-08-06T12:54:00.000-07:00

I will not cry,
I just need to breath.
I thought we were friends,
But it turns out you don't care.
Does it even really matter?
I never liked you anyway.
But it does matter, because
I trusted you in my weird way.
But I won't cry,
I just need to breath.

trust

2009-08-06T10:06:00.000-07:00

when i wonder
who to trust
i am torn

as aware as I am
that this is the
natural state

its not always easy
to accept

over time
it has come to me

there is only one
i need to believe
the rest
matters
less

i can listen
and I can hear
i know different stories
no longer believing
there is
or should be
a right
one

other than the one
that makes sense
to me

candy cotton clouds

2009-08-06T09:57:00.000-07:00

glad you could dive in
after walking the beaches
and feeling the pain

wondering will you
be stronger
as you prevail

riding with the wind
on cotton candy clouds
over the ocean
above the pain

diving into new adventures
sponging up stories
soaking wet
immersed
in what matters

connecting
with fellow adventurers
caring for them all

Mare

2009-08-04T23:38:00.000-07:00

Waves crashing.
Wind roaring.
Seagulls screaming.
The water burying my toes.
I dive in.
Smiling.

(inspired by Mare who is a character from one of my favorite books)

Pain

2009-08-04T23:36:00.000-07:00

In my wrist,
In my knee,
Everywhere.
Surrounding me like a veil of fog,
Always there, never surrendering.
I wonder what it's like to be normal?

2009-08-04T23:32:00.000-07:00

Loud
Noisy
My concentration gone
No one knows what they're saying
In the invasion of toddlers

Calm Death

2009-08-04T23:25:00.000-07:00

The waves lapping at the shore
The wind whipping through the trees
I sit alone on the rocks
As I watch the pelicans fly
White sand between my toes
I breath in the salty air
My last breath on Earth

Limbo

2009-08-01T01:30:00.000-07:00

Slip into this dress of simplicity. It seems to be too scarce now.

Torn

Chained

Stretched

I would kill for it

but thats the problem. I would have to.

I wish you could see what I see. But,

it's like forcing together two negatives

each claiming to be positive.

I am not sure which to trust.

dark

2009-07-31T12:31:00.000-07:00

it is dark
so i know there is light

i have believed
know i've been betrayed

so much hurt in love
that you turn away

running inside
looking away
or
starting another day

dayfalls into night
that's how
I know there's light

hope

2009-07-31T12:25:00.000-07:00

was hoping you
were hoping
it'd be
what it was

but it wasn't

maybe it can't
or won't

i still hope
it can
with you

hoping that
its not too much
to hope

for even if it can't
or won't be

hoping
is my way.

Dog Chasing A Motorcycle

2009-07-30T00:01:00.000-07:00

You lied and you cheated, and you looked straight our eyes,

and burned our hearts with your lies. Thick smoke rises.

You looked us straight in the eye. We trusted in your

empty promises. We hung onto them like

lifelines.

Now we know. Now we know what sick plan we all play into.

You are no dog chasing a motorcycle. You know exactly.

Smoke rises from my chest and encircles my throbbing head.

Stinging my eyes, and choking my throat. I no longer know if it is tears.

If I Was Right

2009-07-29T14:49:00.000-07:00

shrouded in clouds of black smoke

covered in nips and kisses of regret

there is nothing.

endless angry words fill my head,

causing my two A.M. ramblings

Furious.

Crimson hate rolls off my tongue, but cannot make it to the keys.

your words. I am not sure if you took my reasons, and made them yours,

Or if I was right.

Calm surrounds you, shielding.

I do not understand.

belief

2009-07-26T10:11:00.000-07:00

he tried to show the world
the impossible was possible

believe

the hopes and dreams

there is magic
in belief

anyway

2009-07-24T13:10:00.000-07:00

anyway
someone has to say

that its not the way

no one's listening
anyway

no one walks away

in the pain

feels like glue
familiar

sticky
stuck

making you numb

you
wanting to feel

someone has to say
its not time to walk away

when its over
no one listens
anyway

its just not the way

too much

2009-07-24T13:07:00.000-07:00

once
you were too much
no one knew
you
then
what is truth
you know
surely not what
they say
misconceptions
rule
there is you
sitting
yoga-style
in the eye
of the hurricane
figuring out
the meaning
of it all

the path

2009-07-24T10:56:00.000-07:00

the path
you take
full of your
mistakes

the path
you hate

is the way
currents drags you

accept
the water's flow
and
grow

resist
and shit
persists

2009-07-24T10:44:00.000-07:00

a world grinds down
silence envelops

taking time

to fly

in this moment
i feel free

alone

dark

at one with the silence

find me

2009-07-24T10:42:00.000-07:00

search for me
in vain
there is life
find me
and
die

1:17 A.M.

2009-07-21T01:17:00.000-07:00

Awake at night the quiet house consumes her.

A half-empty long necked wine bottle tipped back, sweet sour liquid wets her crimson lips.

Swallowing, she drinks away her spirits.

This quiet house is now a shell.

inspired

2009-07-20T07:29:00.000-07:00

things get bad
then get worse
thinking what ifs will be
giving headaches
to all parts of me

circling thoughts
chewing my brain
speaking words
not knowing
but saying

this post-it life
came to be
someway sideways
unto me

things get bad
then get worse
you know its just
this life
we don't
want to see

jc
7/20/09

*inspired by Julia's "Comparatively"

crawl

2009-07-20T07:19:00.000-07:00

once upon a wall i crawled

moving certainly closer
only to death

wondering where to go
crawling on the way

first learning to run
then walk and crawl
on the wall

the wall that stands between

the wall that wont ever leave.

jc
7/20/09

Comparatively

2009-07-19T15:11:00.000-07:00

"It's not bad yet. It'll get worse." I know.

damn.

It won't kill me, but something will. [it always has]

It'll be bad this year. "Calm before the storm."*

you replace my fleeting thoughts of Home

with yellow post-it to:do lists.

*comparatively

wind carries them in circles in my head.

eyes reflecting nothing but your excuses and lies

{You've gotten very good at it}

and still I replace your doubts

with confirmations of your competence.

{I don't think I believe you anymore}

On The wall

2009-07-19T00:54:00.000-07:00

Once Upon A Time

i scrawled

evanescent thoughts On The wall

now rethought And crossed out

The pen gripped In My fist,

angry slices

We are

each

saying one word,

one phrase,

each meaning four different things.

different people.

amused At myself

funny how

We're still here.

hidden

2009-07-14T23:37:00.000-07:00

hidden in the shadows
a world of power
awaits

silent
to the world

the secret
seldom shared

jc
7/14/09

quiet

2009-07-14T18:22:00.000-07:00

silence of the night
blanketing bitterness
shadowing everything
hiding nothing

she is naked as before
tho more scared
than ever

it was the daytime
raining ire
people pushing
that she despised

she welcomed the silence
for it would not
condemn her.

jc
7/14/09

Caged

2009-07-14T11:04:00.000-07:00

Home is sealed up in a ziplock bag,

an alternate life tucked deep in her closet

angry stone masks turn and twist her features

She ignores the list of rules, caged.

Keeping her own promises, she tolerates

nothing.

But she hates this quiet fight,

behind backs

she would rather

spit her angry words into his face:

too many years of being fooled,

too many blind followings,

too many mental reprimands,

too many empty apologies.

She will have none of it*

*Or so she tells herself.

suggestion

2009-07-11T12:12:00.000-07:00

it was the suggestion
of distaste
that bothered her
it had been a wonder
electric, fluffy
evocative
til now

had it all been an illusion
she'd created this wonder
mostly in her mind
she wondered
as there was
no repugnance
in her dream

jc
7/11/09

The Simplest

2009-07-10T17:11:00.000-07:00

You liked her
She liked you
It was as simple as that
You became an "item"
But then you drifted away
And started liking other people
So you broke up
No tears or drama
The simplest relationship in history

under clouds

2009-07-10T07:25:00.000-07:00

what if
there were a cloud
following you everywhere
keeping you company
even when you didn't want it
darkening this world from that
stop scaring me
but the cloud
won't
stop
i mean
clouds will always follow
so you ask why me
yet
it's time to put aside
all alibi's
embrace the cloud
gently
accepting it's nature
into your heart
don't be too scared
there is magic
in facing
the moment
yes
ride the cloud

jc
7/10/09

don't believe

2009-07-09T10:11:00.000-07:00

when i believe

i believe in magic
in the moments
that surround us

when i believe in nature
it makes me stronger
inside
after i've scared myself
into believing what i think

when i believe
things are getting better
around me
there is joy on earth
and in my heart

usually it is me
deciding what to believe
after i've grown up

from approval
needs
and shoulds

jc
7/9/09

river

2009-07-08T08:28:00.000-07:00

living like a river
flowing
water with a helm
steering clear
flows curing what ails you

while the wind stirs you up
or knocks you down

waves can carry you home
when you don't fight them so

maybe you don't know
but they take you
where you need to go.

jc
7/8/09

crossing burning bridges

2009-07-07T12:50:00.000-07:00

she sat crying
no one walking by
it was
just before or
just after the light
(of day)
a necessary close encounter
and close escape
with an unseen enemy
could have been
a multiple
of truth or fiction
though fiction
needs to make sense
or help you to
this character
easier kept
than recovered
meeting destiny
on the road of avoidance
crossing burning bridges
born
anew.

jc
7/7/09

close moments

2009-07-07T12:46:00.000-07:00

closest moments
deepest divides

intense life music

like the love of your life
or death of your child

the moments divide us
by the way

we handle them
or don't

jc
7/7/09

soul

2009-07-07T10:34:00.000-07:00

is it immaterial
in a material world
can it help
a psychic essence
so
what is soul
who
goes there
who thinks about it
if it takes away the pain
when we go
helping
more or less
before
the book
closes

jc
7/7/09

Recycled Hate

2009-07-06T00:43:00.000-07:00

you have your

recycled hate

confusing me, swirling.

mistaken guilt settled on the floorboards:

dusty

except.

you tried to explain:

meaningless words.

I thought you knew by now

that

Everything has already been said

keepin up

2009-07-04T13:19:00.000-07:00

I'm tryin to keep up
speeding
so's not to be caught
by life
so much

so many things
to remember
so many things
to forget

how's one to know
how fast to go?

jc
7/4/09

why

2009-07-04T13:08:00.000-07:00

why ask why
when its not what you mean
why ask for goodbye
when you don't wanna leave

why ask me why
I didn't tell you sooner
when it just doesn't matter

why ask her why
she doesn't love you anymore
when feelings have scattered

why ask why
when you don't want to know

why ask why
when its just
not a question

you can say
you don't like it
you want to hang on
to what's already left
inviting the feelings
of empty
bereft.

jc
7/4/09

now we know

2009-07-04T12:58:00.000-07:00

it was the beginning,
back when there was hope

there was life
before deception's darkness
and
distrust's damn damage
there was wonder
warmth, wanton silliness

brightness on the beach
movement in air

it was the beginning
when all was ahead
for us

before we knew
how hurt
we'd be

we learned
long ago
that when you find
the one
pain would be
behind you

now we know
where
the real silliness
is.

jc
7/4/09

the path

2009-07-01T11:45:00.000-07:00

as i set out to find
the pathway i
leave behind
what it is i seek,

steps
echoing
in hallowed hallways
of minds and bodies
signifying nothing
alarming regrets
uncertain of what
will never be

knowing only
what i think
that i will
never know

jc
7/1/09

waiting

2009-06-30T18:15:00.000-07:00

you said and said
that you would be silent
i waited
a moment
for my turn

i waited
again
i believed
you
believed in you

if only I was of
less self
i could still
be waiting.

jc
6/30/09

close*

2009-06-29T10:25:00.000-07:00

sitting together
feeling alone
waiting
for another
in time
truth will come
cross dimensions
in space
separated
by judgements
secrets and lies

lying together
feeling alone
waiting for another
through time
knowing no other
way
to be
close.

jc
6/29/09

*inspired by Julia's poem of Friday 6/26/09